Contact Polandian

Please use this form to contact us. We’re using a contact form rather than giving out an email address because we already have more than enough erectile dysfunction medication and are entirely, though perhaps unjustifiably, comfortable with the length and girth of our reproductive apparatus. Furthermore, whilst we empathise with your Nigerian cousin’s dilemma, we have enough trouble working an ATM machine and so are completely unsuitable candidates for the transfer of such vast amounts of money.

We welcome communications from:

Journalists;
Good-looking journalists;
Eccentric millionaires wishing to donate large sums of cash;
Readers with good ideas;
Good-looking readers with candid photographs;
Long-lost family members wishing to donate large sums of cash;
Advertisers;
Anyone who knows where the caps lock key is;
The 7th Earl of Lucan, “Buster” Crabb, Jimmy Hoffa or Glenn Miller;
That’s it.