Krakow
What’s in a name?
MikeM returns for a close looks at the names of Krakow’s bars and pubs. I simply can’t imagine how he came to know so many.
Arriving in Krakow last August the fist thing to grab me, other than a crazy street drunk on the Market Square, were the names of pubs, bars and clubs. Capote, Siesta, [...]
NEW WRITER — Six true stories of placation
Polandian reader MikeM hasn’t lived in Poland long but is learning fast that “service” here means something slightly different than it does in his native Ireland.
Admittedly I am inclined to be critical of Polish customer service at moments when I should relax, take it in my stride, learn to be less demanding and [...]
The Beggars of Krakow
Krakow is challenge for beggars. On the one hand it’s a comparatively wealthy place with lots of even wealthier tourists, but on the other Krakowians are notoriously the tightest citizens of the republic. The inside of the average Krakowian’s wallet receives less hours of sunlight annually than parts of North Wales. There are reputed to be solid gold coins from the reign of Kazimierz Wielki (1310–70) still officially in circulation because no government department has yet figured out how to liberate them from the purses of Krakow citizens.
Millionaire collector orders theft of neo-nazis
Late yesterday thieves broke into Britain and made off with an unknown number of neo-nazis. Early reports are that it was all of them but a government official has urged calm saying: “Let’s not get our hopes up at this early stage in the investigation. Police are even now rigorously avoiding looking for these barn pots so we just have to hope none of them turn up safe and well of their own accord.”
The overconfident pedestrian
The Overconfident Pedestrian. My latest column for the Krakow Post. “I’ve never thought of myself as an overconfident pedestrian. If anything, living in Poland has turned me into a starkly petrified pedestrian, but according to a new road safety campaign, it turns out I’m as naïve as a boy scout at a cross-dressing convention…” Read [...]
Christmas fairs and how to avoid them
There are few contemporary evils more pernicious than the Christmas Fair. If you live in Krakow you just have to accept that a particularly virulent incarnation of the phenomenon takes over the otherwise blameless main market square for much of December. These days I avoid going anywhere near the center of town between October and February just to be on the safe side, but I have been enveloped by its cheesy jinglings in the past so I know what I’m talking about.
Rear Krakow Window
I never regarded voyeurism as a vocation, I just kind of drifted into it. Having a designated smoking window that looks directly onto a dozen brightly illuminated flats on the other side of the street didn’t help. I’m sure you’ve seen Hitchcock’s Rear Window as many times as I have. The difference in my case [...]
Bus TV
I always thought the one thing missing from the whole experience of traveling by bus was the opportunity to watch mind-numbingly dull commercials on TV. Simply enduring repeated umbrella blows to the thorax from combative old ladies is not enough these days. As if by a miracle my fantasies have been fulfilled by the advent of Bus TV. Apparently this miracle occurred some time ago but I haven’t been on a bus for a while, or at least sober on a bus for a while, so the revelation has been late in coming to Polandian.
Apologizing to Poland
Apologizing to Poland My latest column in the Krakow Post. “I wish to take the opportunity to offer my sincere and heartfelt apologies to the people of Poland. I was misinformed/not thinking/drunk at the time and I promise it will never happen again. I have yet to do or say anything to offend Poland, but [...]
My Polish Street: The Ballad of Pani Basia
I don’t remember the first time I saw Pani Basia, but I do remember the last. She was sitting on a battered chair on the pavement outside my building. Blue lights and paramedics were standing by, hands on hips. It looked like she’d fallen again. I didn’t see her fall, but then I didn’t see her fall the first time. We just found her on her back, struggling, for all the world like a cartoon turtle, except the splash of blood from her head wasn’t funny.
